You could have a piece of furniture that you've known for years - hell, it was your grandmother's mother's and she loved that damn thing, let's call it a table, though you've always thought it was something less than a table because, well, let's be honest, it's sort of short and squat and barely fits a coffee mug on it its so thin - in any case, you could have this table of your great-grandmother that had been sitting in the front foyer for ages, like decades, like since World War I, which you imagine at least one of your relatives was in, but you never asked, because that just seems pushy at this point, I mean, they're really old, and you don't even know if they'd remember that, so why bring it up anyway? The table has been sitting there for eons, like centuries, and you could put a coat of white paint on the thing, I mean even though it's small, you could paint it, you can paint like anything: I once saw some hippie like a Woodstock hippie sort of old guy painting a rock out by a creek at that park down the road, you know the one with the pond and the ducks like the pair with the ugly red marks on their face, well he the hippie guy was painting this tiny rock and putting them on the sidewalk, these little colored rocks like rainbow dewdrops on the cement. So anything can be painted, I just want you to know that. So the white coat of paint on the furniture is freaking huge, fucking huge if you don't mind. Alters the whole thing completely, like Lucifer switching down to Hell from God's grasp. Your great-grandmother would pass by that thing without knowing it was hers - your grandmother would, too, and let's not talk about your practically blind mother, she wouldn't even remember that it was in her foyer except for it would probably be in her way, because your lazy ass wouldn't move it back to the right spot after painting it. As a matter of fact, you'd probably betray the whole experiment by leaving out the paint in the driveway. Really, you need to get your shit together. That ruins the paint, and what if someone knocked it over? Where would you be? Surely not there to pick it up. You know you wouldn't, and then it would be all over the driveway, and do you even know how hard it is to get paint off cement? No, you don't, cause you've never done a day's work in your whole life. Don't act surprised or insulted - you know as well as I do even when you quote working hard unquote you're not doing shit. Maybe 80%. Well, fuck you. Some people do 130% all the fucking time. What are you doing? Probably sleeping. Sleeping your ass off. How fucking shameful.
But, yes, paint does wonders. You should try it sometime, if you get the chance. Though maybe not your great-grandmother's table, she really loves that thing, for some ungodly reason.
